The Autogyne Files Part I
Dirty words: Reflections and thoughts on the narratives surrounding Autogynephilia
In this short series, I will be exploring the narratives around a topic that has caused much controversary; autogynephilia, specifically the human element in this, which is often overlooked.
There are many bloggers and researchers out there, who have provided a far more detailed explanation of the condition, and I won’t repeat whats already said, instead I want to provide insight from myself and those impacted by it. Aside from sharing my thoughts, I’ll have the pleasure to interview a young transitioner, an up and coming sexologist and a trans widow.
I hope you find this piece informative and helpful, please let me know in the comments.
The Autogyne Files Part I
Dirty words: Reflections and thoughts on the narratives surrounding Autogynephilia
Autogynephilia (AGP) is topic that evokes a range of emotions. Some stringently defend the theory, whilst others out right deny it’s application. However, amidst the debate, there is often little attention paid to the human element—the individuals affected by it. There is little room for understanding in this field, both from the sufferers and the observers, especially when labels like AGP are used as a cudgel in online discourse. I’m guilty of it, i’m sure others are too, however, there are many people impacted by this, many young people, as well as those families who have felt the destruction first hand.
I’m not arguing for or even against, my take is that having this condition is a net negative overall, not just for the individual but for those around them. It can be deeply destructive, and has the tendency to take over a person's life, hindering normal development and destroying any sense of self. It’s equally devastating on families, marriages, relationships and even reputations. Yet, for some, it can also be a life saving revelation.
Autism, an underappreciated factor
Out of the now hundreds of transitioners and detransitioners I’ve spoken with over the past decade, the most apparent similarity we seem to share is our neurodivergence, with the vast majority being high functioning autistic or ADHD (source). It makes sense why so many of us have OCD too, which has well established links to autism (source).
Autism and ADHD if unsupported, can lead to crippling self imposed isolation, as those with it are often rejected from their peers, and that has a fundamental impact on development (source). Those who are rejected, retreat into online spaces to seek peerage from others like them, and sometimes that can hinder, as much as it can help.
It's no mistake that the advent of social media and the boom of transition coincided with eachother. The rate of referrals drastically increased after 2010, and all factors point towards a social contagion, which was made even more evident during lockdown.
Going from isolation to love bombing in transition and detransition have had profound impacts on my life. I’ve always craved belonging. I was that kid at school that was last picked for sports and preferred the nerdier things in life, I was soft, clumsy and struggled to keep friends.
There is a tendency amongst those of us who are isolated and rejected, to seek meaning through any group that will have us, and we often end up parroting whatever the group is chanting. This is why many of us who detransition, do a full 180, going from trans activist to anti transition activism rather quickly.
The Influence of Pornography
Some suggest, porn is the main motivating factor behind autogynephilia, that misogyny is manifesting itself into the real world. This, in my opinion, is wishful thinking, especially to those who oppose pornography in all forms. It is instead, a vehicle that can vastly accelerate the process, yet this does not address why men across history have demonstrated autogynaphilic traits, and why many teenagers with this tendency avoid pornography have the condition too.
Early exposure to pornography, seems to be a common theme amongst those who have transitioned, but it also quite common across the general population. Not everyone who has a drink, falls into alcoholism. In my view, pornography is no different, with it’s impacts either being over or understated, but there is certainly an impact. It may not be the single reason, but it is definitely worth exploring, and its a narrative that seems to be missing on the sexology side.
Denial and Dissonance
I'm same sex attracted, but I am not a homosexual transsexual (HSTS). Whilst I had displayed effeminate behaviours as a child, and interests such as ballet, I was happy being a boy. Like many others, my distress started at the early stages of puberty. As I grew, I struggled horrendously to accept my same sex attraction, to the point where it exacerbated my obsessive compulsive disorder, with devastating effect.
My first crush was with a male friend, and I had many more throughout puberty, with only occasional short lived crushes on female peers, but that was often due to their androgynous appearance. There was a point I considered that I was perhaps bisexual, but when it comes down to the deed, I have no desire to carry out the act. Yet, with men, that's a different story. I want to be with them, please them, and be loved by them. For me, it feels stronger than just a mere fantasy, as there are very real physical anchors in my attraction; sight, smell and touch.
Once I finally did accept my sexuality, which didn’t occur until after transition in my mid thirties, I found even more turmoil with the notion that I wasn't gay, but instead had an erotic target location error and my attraction to men wasn’t real. I cannot possibly describe just how disjointing this revelation was, as well as disturbing. Imagine, spending years struggling to accept yourself, only to have to start all over again.
Is it any wonder why many reject this theory? I don’t think that emotional toll gets enough reverence. An outside observer may pass comment on someone else, but that often leads to an angry exchange, as the individual, like myself, would have put up many mental blocks to prevent any further distress. That being said, some advocates of sexology, lack zero tact in their application, which dilutes their original message, and it’s effectiveness. These judgements are cold, clinical, and are quick to skip over empathy.
Only in this arena, is a person's sexual orientation, superseded by the individuals typology. Humans are not that simple, and whilst we may have similarities, none of us are the same or can be categorised so easily.
Those with a meta attraction, and those who are homosexual transsexual, would both still transition, and are seen as experiencing equally valid dysphoria. Because of this, anyone looking in, can easily make the determination that there are only gay transitioners and straight ones, with no differences in-between. I’ve done this, even with myself, and whilst I certainly did kick and scream at the explanation, once i accepted it, it made more sense, but it didn’t do anything to ease the existential pain I’ve felt for many years.
The Human Impact
What's blaringly absent in the conversation on the pro-sexologist side, is the impact on women and girls. Highly aggressive AGPs have shoehorned themselves into women’s spaces to the determinant of women everywhere. They are Roxy Tickles of the world (source), who seek to change language and very law itself to fit their fantasy, that they are women, and not men.
What’s interesting is the people who display the most egregious behaviour on social media and out in the world, are the deepest in denial. And we all know how powerful denial can be. Unfortunately, women and girls have paid for this, and continue to do so in dividends.
Equally so, many younger transitioners are paying for the crimes of much older, unstable paraphilics, by virtue of possessing a typology themselves. This notion does little to help individuals, and if anything further drives a wedge in-between the understanding. And like it or not, to help anyone, we need to understand them.
There is also a notable pattern of men in their thirties or forties, who transition within months of their partners giving birth. She is not in a position to say no to the mans transition, Chris Tyson, and if she does, she will pay for it. But she has no choice, she is vulnerable as a new mother, she needs the father. Yet, according to some activists, she would be in the wrong. That is truly twisted.
And of course theres the children of transitioners who are often left in the shadows. They are silent, and mostly unheard of in this entire conversation.
Reliable narrators
So, I’m wondering who is the ideal person to speak up on this topic? Well, I don't think it's outsiders with an armchair view of the subject, nor is it anyone who lives and breathes Blanchard, it must be the people directly impacted.
Outsiders looking in, can easily make the assumption that someone who transitions is either a traumatised gay man or a pervert who wanked himself to oblivion. I think neither of these are helpful, yet there are some truths in these stereotypes. Some gay autistic men, simply function better in a world that sees them as a woman, but not all do.
I’m equally frustrated at older gay people, who claim they would have adopted a trans identity if they were growing up today. Whilst some most certainly could have, this belief itself makes those critics unreliable narrators. It would be like me advocating against for military service, saying that if I was born 100 years earlier, I’d be fighting in the trenches of France. Whilst that maybe true, that didn’t happen, did it? So how useful is that retrospective framing? I’d argue not much, and I’d even say its hindering to the point of damaging, as there are plenty of lived examples today of that in motion.
Are these people telling us they have autogynephilia, autism, and all the other conditions that brew a transitioner? I don’t think so.
The simple reality is, they didn’t transition, not as a child, and not in adulthood either. Additionally, are they saying they still have dysphoria now? or are they positioning themselves to be the centre of the argument for arguments sake? Either way, it’s not a reliable nor helpful comparison.
But it’s not just the critics who have this retrospective tunnel vision framing. The vast majority of men in the trans community experience differing degrees of Autogynephilia, and paradoxically, they firmly reject the AGP label. The most notable is Julia Serano, a late in life transitioner and researcher, who claims that “autogynephilia theory relies on essentialist, heteronormative, and male-centric presumptions about women and LGBTQ+ people” (source).
Yet anyone whose read Seranos work will notice the blaringly obvious typology at play. Men like Serano, have bought into gender identity as a means to explain away their sexual desires, and themselves are responsible for a great deal of panic and misinformation, which has been parroted in other organisations, such as GIRES (source).
This is all due to the basis that if you have any sexual motivation to transition, you’re not the right type of trans, therefore should not transition. The negative connotations with Autogynephilia also cause individuals to instinctively avoid the label, as it does have close links to other paraphilias, including those that commit offending behaviour. Ergo, to be AGP is to be a criminal, regardless of who you are.
Online, this judgement is passed freely through crowd justice, and often people are left guilty until proven innocent, with no chance of appeal. Why wouldn’t the human mind work hard to come up with anything but the simplest answer? Especially when that answer means that you are a monster, even if you’re not one.
And there in lies another paradoxical element to this equation. Some monsters are AGP, and those who take part in paraphilic activities, have a tendency to offend (source), so the presumption is not entirely inaccurate.
The reality is, male sexuality is nothing like female sexuality, regardless of sexual orientation. That fundamental basis has been lost in discourse.
To me, it feels like picking any suitcase off a conveyer belt, spilling out the clothes and shouting at the mess of scattered luggage. On the surface, we'd like to think everyone else's had their sexuality in neatly packaged cases, but once unravelled, you’ll see that they are equally messy. Yet, because of the impact of activism on women’s rights especially, a microscopic lens has been cast on this group of men.
Reflections
Some suggest that understanding the typologies proposed by Ray Blanchard (source) and expanded on by Anne Lawrence (source), will prevent young men from transitioning. I whole heartedly disagree.
From my time spent in groups that discuss typologies, I would say the opposite is true. If anything, it gives people a validity to their feelings of dysphoria, as well as an explanation, which for some is all they need in order to move forward with their transition, and also surgery.
For myself, a key question here would be, if my gender therapists were Blanchardian, would I have still been transitioned and been refered for surgery? I have a feeling the answer is yes, and this is largely due to how dysphoria is validified in the research. No one within the typology has a lesser or greater cause for transition. However, I do feel that public policy, especially law, would never be challenged if this was the prevailing narrative. If there was more open conversation about the different types, the Roxy Tickles of the world wouldn’t dare cast any challenge
Up Next
I’ll be having a chat with two young transitioners, one a budding sexologist, and a trans widow, who some of you may or may not be familiar with. I hope the differing views provides a much needed contrast in this conversation and I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
Catch up on the full series:
The Autogyne Files Part I - Dirty Words: Exploring the narratives around Autogynephilia
The Autogyne Files Part II - A conversation with Anne Ominous, a young transitioner
The Autogyne Files Part III - A conversation with Jennifer, a Trans Widow
The Autogyne Files Part IV - A conversation with a young Sexologist, G
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Your ongoing support, feedback, and well wishes keep me going! Thank you!
-Ritchie
I guess I am one of the few to accept that my trans inclination is autogynphelia. I thought accepting it as a sexual motivation would be a bad thing but I found, ironically the opposite to be true because in conclusion I was a man with a fetish rather than a woman trapped in a man's body. A man with a fetish is not unusual. Being ruled by the fetish would be a problem, certainly. But like anything else, know the time, the place, and don't mistake a sexual fantasy with reality.
I think I'm probably the minority in this view point though.
>"Once I finally did accept my sexuality, which didn’t occur until after transition in my mid thirties, I found even more turmoil with the notion that I wasn't gay, but instead had an erotic target location error and my attraction to men wasn’t real. I cannot understate just how disjointing this revelation was, as well as disturbing. Imagine, spending years struggling to accept yourself, only to have to start all over again."
The reaction you had here—of realizing that your attraction to men originates in meta-attraction rather than conventional attraction, and having your identity destabilized once again by this revelation—is a recurring pattern I've seen. You're definitely not the only one. However, thinking of it as "my attraction to men isn't real" is often not a helpful way of framing it for the people who experience same-sex attraction due to meta-attraction. It can create a lot of inner emotional turmoil in someone over whether they genuinely love their romantic partner and whether it's morally acceptable for them to have same-sex relationships.
My take: if you are same-sex attracted, it matters less whether this attraction is conventional or meta in nature, and moreso whether you treat your same-sex partner with love and respect. Do you treat him well, and does he want to be in a relationship with you? This matters more than the theoretical explanation for where your same-sex attraction comes from.