The Lies That Live Within The Language

An Essay On How Language Impacts 'All Sides' Of The Debate

Language is a powerful tool, the shaping of it can make the most brilliantly intelligent, rational and logical people do the most irrational things. Outsiders looking in are desperate to understand how seemingly bright minds can fall victim to such a destructive set of ideas.

In this piece, I would like to explore the language used in the discourse around gender affirmation and examine how even after detransition, the language still plagues us, on all sides.

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A Recipe For Trans

The making of a trans person is far less complicated than has been suggested. Perhaps one of the greatest fallacies we’ve been sold by gender theorists is that the causes of gender dysphoria are attributed to a mysterious haze of environmental and hormonal factors yet unknown, whilst simultaneously laying out the requirements for transsexualism, gender dysphoria and gender incongruence in a broad set of symptoms for decades in the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual for Mental Health Professionals (DSM).

It seems almost scripted, how this generation of men and women end up in transition. Both stories have differing details but the main aspects are largely the same. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but some of the common themes I’ve come across are:

• Religious belief in early childhood.

• Environmental Homophobia & Biphobia (Culture, Internet communities, Religion)

• Parental Relationships

  • Narcissism/Neuroticism

  • Strong attachment to the opposite-sex parent

  • Divorce or Early Separation

  • Poor attachment to the same-sex parent.

  • Binge Drinking/Alcoholism in parents

• Trauma

  • Bullying in peer groups, school

  • Abuse/Neglect within the family

  • Violence

• Autism, OCD, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, Psychosis, Schizophrenia

  • Subsequent SSRI’s/Anti-Depressant usage to manage aforementioned

  • Behavioural Meds/Antipsychotics

• Males specifically - are often highly sensitive, soft, and less aggressive than their peers.

• Noticeably delayed or early puberty

• High academic intelligence, low social intelligence

• Substance Misuse

  • Weed

  • Alcoholism

  • Amphetamines

• Eating disorders

  • Caffeine & Sugar addiction (excess coffee/energy drinks)

  • Bulimia/Anorexia

• Internet Addiction

  • Compulsive viewing of porn and drawn porn (Hentai)

  • Compulsive Gaming/Internet communities

  • Compulsive Social Media Habits

• Body Dysmorphia

This list creates a clear picture of childhood and early adulthood trauma, both of which have a significant bearing on how a person emerges as an adult. Yet, we are told that these behaviours, all red flags within themselves, are due to an almost seemingly impossible, miss match of a person's sex.

“So, it’s porn then?”

I was recently asked, if I had never seen porn at such a young age, would I have still transitioned as an adult? It’s a question I’ve seen battered at several transitioners and detransitioners, largely from women who rightly disapprove of pornography and will happily soak up the bias that porn is the route of all issues, even gender dysphoria. Yet, if that were the case we’d see far more transitioners than we do, but we don’t and the reason is rather simple.

You can’t make a cake with just flour, you need all the other ingredients, and I view transition similarly. Porn probably plays a part in some transitioner’s pipeline, but not all, and I don’t think it’s a key ingredient either, though that’s not to downplay how it can influence and traumatise a developing mind.

Focusing on one issue alone often comes with a selling point, a universal underlying theory of everything trans, but in practice; it’s many compounding variables that work and are caused and propagated by each other.

The Rebranding of Sex into Gender

The term gender identity was first injected into the public consciousness with WPATH’s Standard Of Care volume 7 (SoC7), published around 2011, during a time when medical transition was an extremely rare occurrence. In the UK for instance, in 2010 the average age of transition was 42, and nearly all of the patients at the gender clinics were male.

The impacts of SoC7 wouldn’t be felt until around 2014, when messages around gender identity, in place of sex identity became prevalent in social media, specifically, Tumblr, which began inventing and spewing new, and ever more contradictory gender identities.

To the dismay of older transsexuals, whom many had no issue acknowledging their sex, were now being told that their way of identifying themselves, was not only outdated but offensive to the huge cohort of new transitioners that now dominated the conversation.

Those looking in, who dared use common words like sex, men, and women, were greeted with a wave of accusations that their use of language wasn’t just hurtful, but harmful. Yet they didn’t get the same update and were always ten steps behind, because of this, they were always seen as the protagonist.

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“Too Far Gone”

There is an idea that infects the minds of those teetering on breaking away from their trans identity, the concept of being too far gone to detransition. It's another shade of true trans rhetoric, where an individual claims that the impacts of transition have been so severe that they are simply ‘too trans to detransition’.

For adult transitioners, the fallacy is compounded and inadvertently serves as a covert way of affirming a person’s trans identity. The belief that someone is too far gone, shares similar threads to the belief that someone is truly trans, it relies on self-admission and is almost exclusively said by the individual, rather than any spectators.

Those who propose this notion do not expect pushback, much in the same way a trans person who comments on their appearance expects only positive praise, rather than critical questioning.

However…

Those with interrupted puberties face a set of challenges adults do not. Regardless of my difficulties, I still had the added advantage of being introduced into adulthood as my sex, and later embarked on a medical transition as an adult. I learnt important life lessons and was provided with a toolset through the years of male socialisation, a luxury former ‘trans kids’ do not have.

For they have been robbed of the life experience we all take for granted. Their preparation for adulthood came with false promises of ‘gender euphoria’ and untold stories of promised joy & success. Yet, as the hormones hangover takes hold, many are beginning to realise that they have been left ill-equipped, without any tools, and are facing the insurmountable task of rebuilding themselves as men and women.

Not only this, but they are slowly realising that no sex change has occurred. Instead, what happened was they were given hormones, scalpels and social justice instead of acceptance, care and wisdom.

They are not at fault for the zealotry of gender affirmation, nor are they at fault for believing they are too far gone, yet both are infectious ideas that can be cured. You don’t need to do anything to be your sex, it's innate as breathing, and just like breathing the more you focus on it the weirder it can seem.

Know that your voice may never be what it was, but it’s yours and no matter how you think it sounds, you should never stop using it. Speak, write, draw, just know that your playing small in the world serves no one, least of all yourself.

“I Would Have Been A Trans Kid”

Those in their 40s and 50’s especially often talking about how if they were raised today, they would have surely been rushed through gender affirmation treatment. To that, I say If I was born 100 years ago, I’d be fighting in World War II. It’s an empty argument, and it’s inherently flawed because the individuals who make this claim, also align it to their experiences at the time they were raised.

Whilst it’s helpful to reflect on how society viewed tomboys and tomgirls, making this claim is no different than an adult transitioner, rushing to the claim that they were a trans kid themselves, simply because they exist as a trans adult today.

The reality is, if you were born at any other period you wouldn’t be who you are, you’d be a different individual. We are shaped by our experiences, the time and place in which we grew up, the culture, and the technology we were exposed to, they all have a huge part to play, and to make this comparison whether it is adult transitioners or someone critical of medical transition isn’t helpful to neither’s arguments.

Having discussed this with many detransitioners, there is an overwhelming feeling that this narrative does not help us, nor does it make a good case against gender affirmation. It carries little weight and often ends up leaving detransitioners experiences muted alongside the what-if scenarios of those with no experience of transition.

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The Detrans Narrative

Someone who I hold in high regard once told me “Detrans is not a monolith”, and I try to keep that in mind as I tell my story and navigate through this part of my life. It’s the reason why I feel it’s important that we do not recreate an inversion of the trans movement with new terms and identities.

Those who cease hormonal treatment and return to their old lives often do so quietly, and in doing so they abandon any terminology around transition & detransition. I think this is the healthiest way, we need to disengage from the language, yet those of us who are seeking to alert others to the truths around medical transition, find ourselves in the catch-22 of having to make concessions and use terms we’d rather not.

Beacons, not flags

The Detrans lizard is not a flag, nor a rite of passage, but a beacon. It symbolises that someone has undergone gender affirmation treatment and wishes to disengage from the beliefs that are packaged along with it. It’s also tremendously helpful for networking, allowing detransitioners to silently connect.

I can see already veiled attempts at incorporating detrans/desistors into the LGBTQ+ bracket, yet the nature of detransition is to disengage from this mindset entirely. It won’t work for this reason, but that’s not to say organisations such as Stonewall may do a 180 on detransitioners and soon, in a last-ditch effort to show support. The only acknowledgement detransitioners receive from organisations like Gender-GP, is when they actively work to spread disinformation regarding detransitioners.

“MTF/MTFTM”

I do not use the term MTFTM (Male to Female To Male) because even if that is a misdemeanour of language, it indicates one can change sex from male to female and back to male.

I was always Male, all the hormones and surgeries in the world never changed that fact and even something as innocuous as MTF/MTFTM carries a notion with it, that not only can you change your sex, but you can change it back.

“Sex Change Regret”

If you’re wondering why little progress has ever been made in the detrans sphere, you can thank terms like this. I loathe this term, not only because it doesn’t resonate with recent cohorts of transitioners, but because it still carries the notion that you can change sex, only to regret it later. Outsiders often use this language, innocently, not realising that ‘sex change’ is a marketing term, and it carries the same notion that a person can change their sex.

Additionally so, regret indicates that you made the wrong choice in light of multiple options, but when an individual is blindly affirmed and encouraged to go down a set path, there is little, if no freedom of choice, especially if the narrative indicates you’ll take your own life if you do not transition. Regret places the burden of responsibility solely on the individual, laying forward a path of self-blame and self-pity.

‘Reversal’ Surgeries

There are no reversal surgeries, and don't let anyone tell you what you should be doing with your body.  To reverse you must first go forward, and to state that these surgeries are anything but regressive is disingenuous, as is the concept of reversal surgeries. It’s no surprise that most detransitioners I speak to have no interest in seeking any form of ‘reversal surgery’ as if our bodies haven’t been through enough already.

We are not mutilated either, nor more than a wounded soldier is mutilated after losing limbs in a battle. We are casualties of a war on language and ideas, and despite our loss, we have placed ourselves back on the front lines, and are eager to fight back.

Poor Little Detransitioner

Good news doesn’t sell the way bad news does, we seem morbidly addicted to hearing about the worst possible experiences of our fellow humans, and detransitioners are no different. Public-facing detransitioners are often expected to spill their guts, cry and break down, and if possible live on air. Former public-facing detransitioners, who have had significant followings, have completely abandoned engaging with media and social media for this reason alone.

I’m not going to deny we’ve had a pretty rough ride, but I don’t accept that our existence should comprise wallowing in self-pity and regret all day, every day. To suggest that this is what we do too does nothing but reinforce a victim mentality that we are all trying to escape from.

Empathy

There is a striking difference between the empathy allowed to detrans women over detrans men. Both suffer immensely, and often with reverence and even satisfaction, some look down on detrans men with equal, if not greater disdain to trans-identifying males.

Detrans men often find themselves explaining themselves in exchange for acceptance or understanding, whilst defending outlandish presumptions of their past behaviours, all done in a brutalist fashion that detrans women simply do not experience, whether it’s at the hands of trans rights activists or feminists, there is an uncomfortable degree of heightened aggression towards detrans men. That being said, those who speak out against gender affirmation, are all universally hated, regardless of their trans identity.

Surrogate Beliefs

When a person detransitions, all former beliefs that brought them to medicalise cave in, creating a chasm that is difficult to leave empty. For some, this void is filled with feminism, a highly understandable pipeline that detrans women especially are drawn into. Others are drawn back into religious communities, whilst the great majority of detrans men and women find themselves in a political no-mans land.

Whilst I may have misgivings of drastically swapping one set of beliefs for another, I will concede that contemporary religious practices and even the more extreme sides of radical feminism, do not harm individuals in the way gender affirmation does. Yet, with many detransitioners feeling politically homeless, they are striving for a middle ground that simply does not exist, as the polarisation has made short work of anyone who dares stand in the firing lines.

“Grifter”

The same individuals who monetise content, plaster cash apps and pay links for no reason other than being trans, claim all detransitioners are grifting and are even funded by lucrative ‘dark money. This, of course, is a fever dream spouted by TRA’s, who are willing to subscribe to conspiracy theory, rather than listen to the experience of detransitioners.

That being said, one thing trans people often advocate for is being paid for their work. So take a note out of their book detransitioners, if you have talents; don’t give them away freely.

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Everything is Right Wing

There are no sides, only factions with aligned interests. Once their goal is achieved,  cannibalisation sets in and the frail mutual alliance break off, and a return to business-as-usual infighting occurs.

An example of this is the belief that those who oppose gender affirmation are gender critical and anyone pro is a Trans Rights Activist. However, if gender affirmation wasn't present the way it is now, both "sides" would be engaged in hostile discourse.

On the trans side, those who medicalise are often pitted against those who don't, whilst anything and everything that even questions gender affirmation are “Right Wing”, a term that is thrown around to the point where actual far-right provocateurs are gone unnoticed.

The Religious Right, friend or foe?

I recently tweeted that I remember telling everyone I couldn't see myself as a man with a man but could see myself as a woman with a man. This classic cliché of the self-hating gay is a symptom of being raised at the tail end of the AIDs epidemic, raised in a working-class culture and having religious routes.

Baked in with religious beliefs, lays the foundations of internalised homophobia. With all the major Abrahamic religions preaching that same-sex attraction and even gender non-conformity aren’t just unnatural, but sinful and an existential threat to wider society, is it any wonder that gays and lesbians with this experience, would rather be seen as the other sex than gay? At least then they would be seen as straight, and wouldn’t have to contend with homophobia.

So I ask, is the religious right our friends? I think their tolerance of gay people is a concession they've made for the mutual benefit of the alliance against gender affirmation. They are not concerned about gay people and nor should anyone expect them to be.

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In Summary

Whether it’s debunking propaganda that comes from the gender-affirmation lobby or being critical of counterarguments, we are all bound to the language, and with many terms providing different meanings to different groups, the prospect of having a rational conversation almost feels impossible.

The language used within the trans community uses a variety of phrases, branding and new words as a means to separate trans people from wider society, and to ensure that outsiders with prying eyes aren’t able to meaningfully communicate with the individual.

This is very much a control tactic, used by sects, cults and ideological groups. Only, with gender affirmation ideology, it seeks to create a hierarchy of victimhood, an ever-expanding pyramid scheme, where those at the top dictate new meanings and terms. They are free to make bold claims that their followers will not question out of fear of being pushed out, and are worshipped for doing so.

Even now, we are still falling victim to the highly successful branding campaign that’s been ongoing since SoC7. Defaulting to terms like sex change, mtftm, transition, detransition and countless other examples that all imply a person can change their sex and back again.