Your article came at the perfect time. Many things you said reminded me so very much of my son about the way recites studies,articles etc. Currently . he has gone into melt down panic mode over the election we have had in the USA. He has slowly cut back communication in the last 18 months to none now. In our case he lives with someone who encourages transitioning and cutting family out of his life. I was on the verge of giving up because it is so difficult. Thank you for pouring your heart and soul into writing. Thank you for supporting other destransitioners. It is all so difficult for so many
“We are a powerhouse.” Yes, you are !!!“Not a pity party.” Ritchie I can not say enough or even have the proper words to describe how much us parents value you . You have no obligation in addressing us parents (. Momma here , adult 31 year old son , married to woman.). Your time and thoughtful words to us are priceless. As I have listened to everything you’ve posted over the last 6 months of our saga , I feel the love of a mother for you 🥰. Most of all , I’m happy to hear you are thriving . You have been through a lot and you have come out a “powerhouse.”
Again , thank you for your wisdom to us . We need to hear it .
Thank you for your kindness, Richie. It has been 4 years since I saw my son. We have texted some and even talked once. It is a strange place to be with a child. We went from talking regularly to the big announcement to silence for 3 years to little bursts of connecting. I really appreciate your insights. I wish you all the best and continued growth and healing.
Thank you for continuing to offer guidance to parents - especially parents of boys. With all you’ve been through, you continue to give back & it’s truly amazing & appreciated 💕🙏. My son (20) is in a weird limbo/possibly desisted or IDing as nonbinary / we don’t talk about it zone now - but I keep all of this advice in my back pocket as I continue to pray I won’t need it.
Ritchie, thank you so much for refining your advice-it carries a lot of wisdom for this difficult situation. I was wondering if you have any suggestions for the many of us whose kids have estranged themselves from us. Often there’s still a channel open— I.e., we can text them, though in our case and many others, our son never responds.
Do we keep sending texts into the black hole or stop? What should our messages say, or not say? Thank you again!
Great question. It really depends whether or not they put down boundries of contact, however, if they are just 'ghosting' you without notice, I'd recommend keeping in touch.
But focus on yourself, include them on what your doing. Talk to them almost as if they're in a coma, and can hear you but can't respond.
Showing them you're living your life regardless is a good way to show confidence and self-worth xo
Ok, thanks, that’s helpful. Honestly, some parents become so weary they are ready to throw in the towel. It seems like forever, this terrible thing. We’ll keep going.
I have another question/request- what would you say to someone who is thinking about detransitioning but is too scared/depressed to move forward. I think a lot of our kids are ‘trapped’. They aren’t happy, things are a mess, they don’t know how to unwind it all.
My son is now 21. I was the parent that my son was close to as he was growing up. He wasn’t coddled, but he was raised with love and firm guidance. I was also the parent that was very intent on challenging his views when he came out as trans, because I knew it was wrong and he was hurting and I wouldn’t just let him fall into a cult without having me speak love and truth into him. I learned all about ROGD & about cults, gender theory, listened to podcasts, watched videos, etc. I always maintained my love and acceptance of him as a person, and I was always respectful in our conversations, but I always drew a line and said I wouldn’t affirm him. For this, he has disowned me and even called CPS on me before he left home at 17. (I managed to coax him home shortly afterwards, gave him space and time, and when he turned 18, he found online friends locally that helped him to move out.) We have an open door policy and he is always welcome in our home and life. I’ve come to find out since leaving my home, he has blamed me for all his mental and physical problems, including seizures he developed after taking hormones. Sadly, he has made irreversible changes to his fertility and is now disabled due to the gender medicine and treatment. He was also homeless for the last two years. He reached out to his father recently and said he is open to a relationship with HIM, but no mention of me, whom he now refers to as my first name. I have never pestered him or tried to contact him because he told me not to. I am wondering what a parent like myself is to do? My husband never took up that opportunity and I won’t make him. It’s his choice. He loves his son, but he feels my son has made his choice and there’s no more to say in this matter.
This is brilliant. Thoughtful and insightful, in addition to being practical and kind.
You ARE a powerhouse! I loved that paragraph. I appreciate your obvious patience and kindness when talking to distraught parents who see you as an example of "who not to become," but this needs to be repeated--you've become a powerhouse. Thank you for understanding the grief and yet knowing how to state the truth in a confident and thoughtful way.
I especially like your point about asking questions about how they got to their conclusions. This is very difficult to do, as then you end up witnessing how delusional, brainwashed and desperate your child actually is, and this tends to be worse than you thought. But this is also what helps your child to listen to himself. Saying all of this out loud, rather than inn your head, is often the first steps to coming back to reality.
Thank you for pointing out the fallacy of "transing the gay away." It is a catchy line and I think it does help for our cause to be heard, but it is not necessarily accurate.
Thank you for saying, again and again, not to cut off contact. I see this recommended too often by mothers whose adult children are estranged..."If he this or that...then cut him off." I don't agree. They are acting out because of their numerous issues, and they need the "lighthouse" of their mother and father. Always.
Sending you and your mom lots of love.
P.S. My teen son desisted 2 years ago. Watching your videos (when the timing was right) was one of the crucial factors that helped him realise what "transition" really was. We still talk about you often, as in, "Ritchie is an inspiration to many."
awwww bless you both! And thank you for the kind words, it means a lot to get these comments and I'm glad I'm having a positive impact. I hope he's doing well :)
Thank you for such insightful, helpful advice. Perfect timing here as well. It answered questions I'm currently struggling with, since my daughter has opened communication, just a little via messaging. Thank you for the advice to build our own self esteem and confidence, and keep communicating. I was concerned that my sending pics of things happening with family, like births and weddings, might push her away, so I needed that advice. I'm trying to get better at asking questions. Thank you again for being so compassionate and helping so many. You are indeed powerhouse for healing.
Thank you so much. The earlier essays were great, too, but this adds a ton more! It is incredibly helpful. (Maybe you know....)
And yes, exactly, "if they ended up like any of the public detransitioners; you’d probably feel a lot more confident about their ability to cope in the future. We are not a pity party, we are a powerhouse."
Thank you for your writings!! They mean so very much to us parents with young adult transgender children. I appreciate your perspective!! My son is 23 and just told me he regrets that he didn’t say something when he was younger (middle school) because if he had, I might believe him. Unfortunately with no evidence ever that he wanted to be a girl I would still be in disbief!!
Your article came at the perfect time. Many things you said reminded me so very much of my son about the way recites studies,articles etc. Currently . he has gone into melt down panic mode over the election we have had in the USA. He has slowly cut back communication in the last 18 months to none now. In our case he lives with someone who encourages transitioning and cutting family out of his life. I was on the verge of giving up because it is so difficult. Thank you for pouring your heart and soul into writing. Thank you for supporting other destransitioners. It is all so difficult for so many
You're a gem, Ritchie!
“We are a powerhouse.” Yes, you are !!!“Not a pity party.” Ritchie I can not say enough or even have the proper words to describe how much us parents value you . You have no obligation in addressing us parents (. Momma here , adult 31 year old son , married to woman.). Your time and thoughtful words to us are priceless. As I have listened to everything you’ve posted over the last 6 months of our saga , I feel the love of a mother for you 🥰. Most of all , I’m happy to hear you are thriving . You have been through a lot and you have come out a “powerhouse.”
Again , thank you for your wisdom to us . We need to hear it .
Much love 💗
Thank you for your kindness, Richie. It has been 4 years since I saw my son. We have texted some and even talked once. It is a strange place to be with a child. We went from talking regularly to the big announcement to silence for 3 years to little bursts of connecting. I really appreciate your insights. I wish you all the best and continued growth and healing.
Thank you for continuing to offer guidance to parents - especially parents of boys. With all you’ve been through, you continue to give back & it’s truly amazing & appreciated 💕🙏. My son (20) is in a weird limbo/possibly desisted or IDing as nonbinary / we don’t talk about it zone now - but I keep all of this advice in my back pocket as I continue to pray I won’t need it.
Ritchie, thank you so much for refining your advice-it carries a lot of wisdom for this difficult situation. I was wondering if you have any suggestions for the many of us whose kids have estranged themselves from us. Often there’s still a channel open— I.e., we can text them, though in our case and many others, our son never responds.
Do we keep sending texts into the black hole or stop? What should our messages say, or not say? Thank you again!
Great question. It really depends whether or not they put down boundries of contact, however, if they are just 'ghosting' you without notice, I'd recommend keeping in touch.
But focus on yourself, include them on what your doing. Talk to them almost as if they're in a coma, and can hear you but can't respond.
Showing them you're living your life regardless is a good way to show confidence and self-worth xo
Ok, thanks, that’s helpful. Honestly, some parents become so weary they are ready to throw in the towel. It seems like forever, this terrible thing. We’ll keep going.
I have another question/request- what would you say to someone who is thinking about detransitioning but is too scared/depressed to move forward. I think a lot of our kids are ‘trapped’. They aren’t happy, things are a mess, they don’t know how to unwind it all.
Take their time, there is absolutely no rush, and focus on getting the right medical help going ahead. Small steps!
My son is now 21. I was the parent that my son was close to as he was growing up. He wasn’t coddled, but he was raised with love and firm guidance. I was also the parent that was very intent on challenging his views when he came out as trans, because I knew it was wrong and he was hurting and I wouldn’t just let him fall into a cult without having me speak love and truth into him. I learned all about ROGD & about cults, gender theory, listened to podcasts, watched videos, etc. I always maintained my love and acceptance of him as a person, and I was always respectful in our conversations, but I always drew a line and said I wouldn’t affirm him. For this, he has disowned me and even called CPS on me before he left home at 17. (I managed to coax him home shortly afterwards, gave him space and time, and when he turned 18, he found online friends locally that helped him to move out.) We have an open door policy and he is always welcome in our home and life. I’ve come to find out since leaving my home, he has blamed me for all his mental and physical problems, including seizures he developed after taking hormones. Sadly, he has made irreversible changes to his fertility and is now disabled due to the gender medicine and treatment. He was also homeless for the last two years. He reached out to his father recently and said he is open to a relationship with HIM, but no mention of me, whom he now refers to as my first name. I have never pestered him or tried to contact him because he told me not to. I am wondering what a parent like myself is to do? My husband never took up that opportunity and I won’t make him. It’s his choice. He loves his son, but he feels my son has made his choice and there’s no more to say in this matter.
That sounds incredibly difficult, I'm so sorry :(
May I suggest checking out the youtube channel Families Divided, he gives a lot of good advice around estrangement. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8l9ggEKpLY0
Thank you , Ritchie. This is a very important article.
This is brilliant. Thoughtful and insightful, in addition to being practical and kind.
You ARE a powerhouse! I loved that paragraph. I appreciate your obvious patience and kindness when talking to distraught parents who see you as an example of "who not to become," but this needs to be repeated--you've become a powerhouse. Thank you for understanding the grief and yet knowing how to state the truth in a confident and thoughtful way.
I especially like your point about asking questions about how they got to their conclusions. This is very difficult to do, as then you end up witnessing how delusional, brainwashed and desperate your child actually is, and this tends to be worse than you thought. But this is also what helps your child to listen to himself. Saying all of this out loud, rather than inn your head, is often the first steps to coming back to reality.
Thank you for pointing out the fallacy of "transing the gay away." It is a catchy line and I think it does help for our cause to be heard, but it is not necessarily accurate.
Thank you for saying, again and again, not to cut off contact. I see this recommended too often by mothers whose adult children are estranged..."If he this or that...then cut him off." I don't agree. They are acting out because of their numerous issues, and they need the "lighthouse" of their mother and father. Always.
Sending you and your mom lots of love.
P.S. My teen son desisted 2 years ago. Watching your videos (when the timing was right) was one of the crucial factors that helped him realise what "transition" really was. We still talk about you often, as in, "Ritchie is an inspiration to many."
awwww bless you both! And thank you for the kind words, it means a lot to get these comments and I'm glad I'm having a positive impact. I hope he's doing well :)
You are a beautiful person to keep reaching out to us parents to try to help. Thank you.
Thank you!
Thank you Ritchie. This is so needed right now. So grateful to you and the important work you’re doing.
Thank you for such insightful, helpful advice. Perfect timing here as well. It answered questions I'm currently struggling with, since my daughter has opened communication, just a little via messaging. Thank you for the advice to build our own self esteem and confidence, and keep communicating. I was concerned that my sending pics of things happening with family, like births and weddings, might push her away, so I needed that advice. I'm trying to get better at asking questions. Thank you again for being so compassionate and helping so many. You are indeed powerhouse for healing.
This is so good on so many levels. I'm going to go back and take notes.
I was just thinking this would make a great video if you had the time.
Thank you so much. The earlier essays were great, too, but this adds a ton more! It is incredibly helpful. (Maybe you know....)
And yes, exactly, "if they ended up like any of the public detransitioners; you’d probably feel a lot more confident about their ability to cope in the future. We are not a pity party, we are a powerhouse."
Thank you for your writings!! They mean so very much to us parents with young adult transgender children. I appreciate your perspective!! My son is 23 and just told me he regrets that he didn’t say something when he was younger (middle school) because if he had, I might believe him. Unfortunately with no evidence ever that he wanted to be a girl I would still be in disbief!!